So, I completed Assassin’s Creed a few days ago and I thought I’d share with you what I learned from the game:
- During the Third Crusade travel was surprisingly easy.
- Assassins wearing their weapons (sword, long knife and throwing knives) on the outside of their robes can blend in with a group of unarmed priests to avoid detection by guards.
- Assassins, as a species, are possessed of perfect grips and therefore are actually physiologically unable to lose their grip and fall when scaling a building using only their bare hands.
- No matter the height you jump from a pile of hay about three to five feet high will comfortably break your fall (unless you’re that one guy at the beginning of the game).
- The small plank built into/at the top of all 12th and 13th century Mosques, Churches, Temples, Towers and any other buildings over five stories tall was an apparent architectural necessity in the Holy Land, event though its use to anyone other then professional killers is not readily apparent.
- Every Beggar in the Holy Land during the third crusade was female. They were all poor and sick and hungry. There is also a strong chance that their families are probably sick as well.
- Assassins are surprisingly incompetent unless they are chosen by destiny.
- 13th century vigilantes don’t actually fight anyone, they just grab arms and pull really hard for a few seconds before they let go. Also, they’re quite forgiving when you run into them at full speed or accidentally chop them with your sword.
- Armed and armoured guards in great numbers are at a tactical disadvantage somehow when they are fighting against a man wearing flowing robes instead of armour and wielding a light sword or long knife.
- Nothing the history books, schools or online encyclopedias taught me is true and I’m a fool for thinking so.
If you haven’t played the game this probably ain’t that funny, but who knows, maybe the humour transcends gamers.
Probably not though.
Later Skaters,
~Pamplemousse~
(your nascent Internet god)
Yes, that is where it all fails.
Visually, it is stunning. Very short game too.
It’s just the first step. Introduce the masses to the crack…dazzle them… get them hooked…
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
Imagine if this could be used to actually educate the masses. That would be kinda interesting.
Dude, there wasn’t even moments of twilight or full moon evenings. It was always fucken sunny too. Do assassins always have to hang out in the urban holy land?
Yeah, I forgot about the whole “no nighttime” thing.
But I loved, loved, loved the game. It didn’t so much fail at what it was trying to execute, it’s just that they could have varied things a little more… I guess.
omg…
Internet god answered my prayers!
*swoons*